|A leading candidate for experimental confirmation of the non-local quantum dynamics of Majorana fermions is the topological Kondo effect, predicted for mesoscopic superconducting islands connected to metallic leads. In this talk, after briefly reviewing the ideas behind this effect, I shall introduce a novel anisotropic limit of the topological Kondo problem where the full nonequilibrium conductance and shot noise can be calculated exactly. Near the Kondo fixed point, this reveals new asymptotic features including a universal conductance scaling function, and fractional charge quantisation observable via the Fano factor. The exact results describe a broader, universal, low energy regime that captures cases with generic anisotropy and even away from the Kondo limit provided the system supports an emergent topological Kondo fixed point. The approach introduced thus offers a combination of new qualitative insights and quantitative findings for comparisons to future experimental data.